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What a manly coat rack…

I bug Adam daily about hanging his coat in the coat closet when he gets home, since we have a coat closet right next to the front door. Instead, he chooses one of these obviously more logical places EVERY TIME HE WALKS THROUGH THE DOOR:

  • the stairs
  • the kitchen counter
  • the dining room table
  • the couch
  • the recliner
  • the back of a dining room chair

And now… I’ve made the mistake of putting up this contraption, which clearly looks like a coat rack:

We DO have a coat closet. Just saying…

Pregnancy Update

Thought I’d just update those of you who follow but aren’t my facebook friends… I’m due in 3 weeks! EEEEEK! The nursery is done (will post pics soon) with the exception of the dresser which came missing 10 parts (grrrrr). I received some AWESOME gifts at my baby shower, my friends totally rock.

My pregnancy has been super awesome for the most part, with only one major (sort of) hiccup… about a month ago I noticed I was having some serious pains in my left side. Adam and Sam laughed at me (I was laughing at myself as well, so they’re not evil) one night while I contorted into all sorts of different positions trying to get comfortable and escape the pain, but I couldn’t really get it to go away. I finally fell asleep later that evening, and when I woke up the next morning at 6am I thought I was dying! Just on my left side, searing stabby pain, absolutely no position was comfortable. I spent an hour trying to get comfortable, then went downstairs so I wouldn’t wake Adam with my tossing and turning. After pacing the living room for 15 minutes I started to hurt so bad I thought I was going to throw up, but then I was thinking to myself “OMG I haven’t cleaned the downstairs bathroom in like weeks, I totally can’t puke in that toilet!” so I hobbled upstairs to my nice clean bathroom and laid on the floor for 15 more minutes (never actually got sick). When my doctor’s office opened at 9am I called and explained my symptoms, and they told me to come in. I threw on sweatpants and shook Adam and told him I was leaving… didn’t want to wait for him to wake up fully to drive me!

After successfully driving myself to the office (dumb, dumb idea) without barfing or crashing, the PA told me she wanted me to go to the hospital and check into OB triage. Scary! So again, I drove myself there — didn’t want to wait for a ride. Got to the hospital, had an ultrasound on my kidneys and found out I had kidney stones. YOWZA! So, to stop my long story from being even longer, they gave me an anti-inflammatory shot, sent me home with Vicodin and told me to drink lots and lots of water. I took 3 days off work and never felt the pain again.  So, I must have passed it. Whew!  Glad that’s over!

Other than that… I feel great! I’m sleeping well, I’m not to sore anywhere, I’m JUST now starting to see a teeny bit of swelling in my ankles and only at night after I’m on my feet all day. I had my 36-week appt yesterday and my doctor thinks my labor will be “an easy one” — whatever that means. It was comforting to hear though! 🙂

So now… just a waiting game! Adam and I have a co-ed family baby shower tomorrow afternoon, and my last day of work is Friday (WOOOOOHOOOOOO) and then I get to be bored until baby comes. I’m kind of excited to see how it happens… will my water break while I’m sitting on the couch or at the store? Will it even break? Will I think labor is easy at first and then totally freak out? Will I even need drugs? I know now that I won’t be begging for them until MAJOR pain hits… with the kidney stones I surprised myself with my pain tolerance – made it to 4pm when they offered me the shot, never shed a tear – even though it felt like someone had stabbed me with a very large knife in my left side. So, we’ll see. Fingers crossed that baby doesn’t come too early… my mom flies in on the 27th! 🙂

Aaaaaand now I’m never eating hamburger again.

It cracks me up that my OBGYN can be sooooooo adamant about the importance and value of taking a birthing class… yet also be so nonchalant about labor drugs. I got a mini-lecture when I said that I wasn’t doing any classes, but when we talked about pain she just shrugged and told me “no problem… an epidural will fix everything.” Huh.

Anyhoo… just thought I’d share a hi-la-rious little tidbit from my 32-week visit yesterday morning…

Doc: Yeah, well we don’t do episiotomies anymore.

Me: Huh, I hadn’t heard that.

Doc: We do what’s called a “controlled tear”… its where we just baaaaarely ‘nip’ a teeeeeny little spot (on the inside sort of) so that when you do tear, you’ll tear in that spot. See, when the body tears, it tends to tear around nerves and such, whereas with an episiotomy we cut through all of the nerves and it really takes longer to heal.

Me: Oh, okay. That totally makes sense.

Doc: Yeah, because it’s better to have a controlled tear than to just let everything explode.

Me: I get it, we can stop now.

Doc: Because, haha, you really can’t sew up hamburger!

Me: *shudder* ARE WE DONE?

Do you ever get the feeling that maybe doctors get a kick out of seeing people’s eyes nearly explode out of their head as they immediately turn pale and almost pass out? HAHAHA!

(I really do love my doctor so much though… she is awesome. And clearly, a comedian.)

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Drop and Gimme 10

When my little brother was visiting Adam and I for a few months this summer, Adam came up with a way to make Billy remember to turn of the lights in our house when he wasn’t in a room – every time Adam noticed a light on, he would make Billy do ten pushups. I always laughed because Adam and I have had like a running 5-year war about this subject (apparently, I leave the lights on a lot).

So, Billy is gone now and there’s no teenager for me to blame when I leave lights on in the office or the hallway…

Adam: (coming down the stairs) HEY! BRAT! Drop and gimme ten!

Me: What? Uh, no. I was just going back upstairs to use my office. (total lie)

Adam: Yeah right. Gimme ten.

Me: TEN WHAT? I’m PREGNANT, and pregnant ladies don’t do pushups. 

Adam: Well what is your punishment then?

Me: Um, NO. Why don’t I ever get to make YOU do pushups?

Adam: FOR WHAT?

Me: Ummmmm… leaving dishes in the sink when the dishwasher is empty, walking through the house with muddy shoes and not cleaning it up, never ever under any circumstances making the bed, not even knowing where the broom is located, letting your laundry pile up until it takes over the closet and spills out into the bedroom and stinks up everything… shall I go on?

Adam: Those are chores, Jenny. I’m actually trying to save us money by keeping the lights off.

Me: I think it’s the same. You punish me, I punish you.

Adam: IT DOESN’T WORK THAT WAY JENNY, IT’S TOTALLY DIFFERENT!!!

Me: You just don’t want to do 3,000 pushups.

Adam: WAIT, HOW DID THIS GET TURNED AROUND ON ME?

Me: I’m a pro, honey.

Nipple Brushes – eek!

Have I mentioned how insanely scary all this baby stuff is? And how registering and looking at baby things gives me anxiety? Well… while I was recently registering at Babies-R-Us with a couple of girlfriends (for support and to catch me if I passed out in a fit of anxiety), a *teeny* bit of my nervousness about being a mom was calmed. Thank you, Sammy!

In the bottle aisle, registering for bottles and binkys and bibs… (oh my!)

Sam: Ohhhhhh, that makes way more sense (sheepishly putting the package back on the shelf).

Kristin: These Dr. Brown bottles are really good, and also these yada yada yada…

Me: K scan it. Scan whatever you think I need. Just scan it.

Kristin: Okay, and you’ll need these and these and thi–

Sam: OMG! OOOOOUCH!

Me & Kristin: WHAT? Geez!

Sam: (holding up a package of nipple brushes) This looks like TORTURE!!! Aren’t your nipples already sore??

Me & Kristin: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA… Those are for cleaning BOTTLE NIPPLES.

Geez, at least I know what nipple brushes are for. 🙂 In Sam’s defense though… I didn’t really know what anything else was for, and Kristin did a great job of teaching me all about how to pick out strollers and carseats and all things baby. Now I’m just terrified that I won’t have the right supplies, that no one will buy me anything but cute baby clothes for my shower, and that Adam and I don’t have enough money to give our child all of the “necessary” things… *sigh*

How the Cookie Monster was made

After a great night visiting over dinner with great friends recently, Adam and I returned home to relax for a few minutes before hitting the sack. Sitting on separate couches while watching TV, I suddenly became aware of a deeeeeelicious aroma wafting toward me from Adam’s direction.

Me: (without turning to look) *sniff sniff* Are you eating cookies?

Adam: Yeah, so?

Me: With MILK?

Adam: So?

Me: (turning to face him and stare drop-jawed at the plate of Oreos and milk in front of him) Were you going to offer me any?

Adam: No.

Me: WHAT?

Adam: Well I though you’d be full after dinner and then making me stop at Wendy’s on the way home so you could get a milkshake.

Me: Hi, I’m your Wife, Jenny. I’m pregnant. Have we MET?

Adam: Seriously? You’re still hungry?

Me: GIMME THE COOKIES!!!

Aaaaaaand NOW you all know how the idea for the Cookie Monster was conceived. Clearly, by a pregnant woman. 🙂

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But I don’t want to have a cave baby!

This morning I had my 28-week OB appointment (Holy Shit, when did I get so pregnant??), and after I drank the flat-orange-Fanta-tasting glucola and had my blood drawn, my doctor asked me a whole bunch of questions about preregistering at the hospital, pediatrician choices, childbirth classes, maternity ward tours and other things that made my head spin. Naturally, I brought these topics home to my husband.

Apparently, I’ve finally found the one subject on which Adam actually has real thoughts:

Me: So, how do you feel about taking childbirth classes?

Adam: Whatever you want, baby.

Me: Do you want to do a free tour of the maternity ward?

Adam: Whatever you want, baby.

Me: Well how do you feel about picking out cribs?

Adam: Whatever you want, baby.

Me: What about drugs?

Adam: You know… I think that ultimately women were engineered to birth children so I really don’t know if we you NEED drugs and I think that drugs are really just for the mother’s benefit and that they do kind of drug up the baby and I would probably prefer to not get drugs if it were my choice but you handle pain differently than me and so you’ll probably need the drugs and I guess I’m okay with that because I’m kind of 50/50 on the whole thing but I don’t want to drug the baby and also I would prefer you not to have a giant needle shoved in your back since you have back problems anyway but if you have the drugs then I can probably relax and play Angry Birds on my iphone the whole time so really whatever I guess but I think you’ll think you’ll need the drugs.

Me: So… I’m a wimp?

Adam: You run to the medicine cabinet at the slightest twinge of a headache. You’ll need the drugs. But you won’t NEED them.

Me: So I’m a wimp.

Adam: I’m just saying that women have been giving birth since the beginning of time just fine, in the woods and in caves and without drugs. And here we are.

Me: But I don’t WANT to have my baby in the woods. I don’t actually even WANT to HAVE my baby… I just want it to appear in my arms.

Adam: You just keep on praying for the magic stork, Jen.

Me: So I’m a wimp?

(I should note that this conversation was actually a lot longer than this, and Adam had some great points and really was rational about everything. Being 7 months pregnant and terrified of pushing a human out of my body, however, all I heard was “you’re wimpy”. Poor Adam. BUT, he did say he thinks he might opt for no drugs even if it was considered “natural” for men to push eggs out of their pee holes… and I’m really not sure I believe him.)