Super-versary: 4 Years!

Adam and I were laughing the other day at the fact that we’ve only been married 4 years, yet we sit in separate recliners in the living room, sleep with a pillow barricade between us in our king-sized bed, and spend 2-3 nights per week away from eachother. I think a lot of people would look at us and say “well that’s a loveless way to live!”…

They would be so, so wrong.

I frequently think about how much I love my life: my job, my family, my dog, my house, my baby, my husband… and my MARRIAGE. Sure, Adam doesn’t clean as much as I’d like him to, and he generates more laundry than an army, and he often forgets what I’ve just said as it’s coming out of my mouth, but we have a wonderful, wonderful life. He is thoughtful, and funny, and incredibly sincere, and protective in all the right ways, and ohhhhh my gosh does he love me.

Sure, we argue. About money, housework, jobs, parenting, the dog, family, whether or not some B-list celebrity was in some movie from the 80’s… but we have grown so much in our 7+ years together that we now know the most important thing about arguments – how to end them (and every year, we get closer to figuring out how not to begin them).

Adam and I learn from each and every relationship in our lives – our parents, our grandparents, our friends, our siblings, our aunts and uncles and cousins – they have all taught us something valuable to incorporate into our own relationship. I know that there are really only two people who make up a marriage, but I also believe that support plays a valuable role in the success of a marriage. We have the mose incredible support system – and I thank you ALL for that.

Our marriage is successful because we LOVE. We respect. We think. We forgive. We don’t walk away. We hug and kiss. We compromise. We compliment. We trust. We apologize. We consult. We accept. We laugh. We laugh even more. We wrestle and tickle. We support. We surprise. We pray. And we LOVE.

I just spent the last 45 minutes going through pictures of our life together, and I was brought to tears more than once. Adam has enriched my life more than he will ever know, and I am so, so thankful that God gave him to me.

Now… a little wedding anecdote for you, and then I’ll send you on with your day.

On the very same day I became a Superwife… I was also dubbed a “Superfreak.” I had chosen the song “September” by Earth, Wind & Fire for Adam and I to walk back up the aisle to once we were pronounced husband and wife. It was an inside joke, and I couldn’t wait to see his face when he heard the song.

When the moment came for us to actually turn around, face all of our family and friends, and walk back up that wedding aisle… my DJ accidentally blasted “Super Freak” by Rick James.  So instead of getting a kick out of my little inside joke, I saw confused (and definitely amused) expressions on everyone’s faces as I paraded back up that aisle to the words “SHE’S A VERY KINKY GIIRRRRRRLLLL”!

And to this day, that is absolutely one of the funniest memories from our wedding. Unplanned, but hilarious! 🙂

So, to my Superhubby, happy 4th anniversary! Love love love you.




Of course that’s the first thing he thought of…

When Adam and I went in for my first baby appointment for Superkid #2, we were told our due date was Thanksgiving. I immediately teared up, thinking of how this was such a wonderful thing to be able to give thanks for.

Adam, on the other hand, laughed out loud. My doctor and I both looked at him in confusion.

Me: Please share what is so humorous, Dear.

Adam: Oh nothing. Just thinking about the awesome timing. It should actually save us a lot of money this year.

Me: Huh?

Adam: Yeah… you’re totally not going to be able to go Black Friday shopping.

Me: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Can I hold it in?? Or push it out sooner???

I really, really hate it when he’s right.

At least there’s still Cyber Monday. 🙂

Interpretation: Husbands vs Wives

Today I went in for my monthly prenatal appointment (I’m at 17 weeks!), armed with a few questions about some new, disturbing “side effects” I’ve been experiencing this pregnancy. With the first occurrence being about a month ago, I’ve been having pretty regular (but unpredictable) panic attacks.

I wrote a little quip on Facebook a few weeks ago about crying on an airport tram in Vegas, but really they’re very scary. I know a bunch of you are going to be all “oh haha I’ve totally had those before don’t worry about it” – but I have NEVER experienced anything like this, and it scares the crap outta me. I don’t get high anxiety, I don’t worry myself to death about anything and I certainly have never had a claustrophobic panic-like attack. Until this baby (grubby little boy, I’m telling you).

So this is what happens: I’m minding my own business, definitely not thinking about scary things or worrying about anything, when all of a sudden my chest starts to feel like someone has put a giant strap around it and is slowly tightening it. Then my breath quickens, I immediately start sweating, and in some cases I’ve gotten that tunnel vision where you starts to see stars and darkening around the edge of your sightline. WHAT THE F*CK IS THAT ALL ABOUT??? 

It’e definitely influenced by the number of people in my vicinity (read: this baby is antisocial), and temperature makes everything worse (read: no more Hawaii or Vegas). So… please don’t invite me to any parties in small spaces, okay? I’ve now experienced “the crazy” in a limo, on a crowded beach, in an elevator, on an airport tram, and most recently in a movie theater. Seriously, a movie theater?? But I really wanna go see Magic Mike next month!!

ANYHOO… I spoke to the doctor about it and she did offer to put me on Zoloft or a beta blocker. When I said I’d reeeeeeally rather not take a daily pill that alters my brain chemistry while I’m pregnant, she said there were a few coping mechanisms I could try out:

First, ummm, don’t put myself in small spaces with lots of people (lol DUH). Second, apply pressure to my hand between my thumb and my forefinger. Third, chew gum! Doc says that when you press your lips together and chew gum, it sends anti-anxiety signals to your brain. My thoughts when I heard all of these suggestions? “Well good! I’ll just head to Costco and buy an economy pack of Trident!”

Now, here is that same information presented to Adam in a phone call 5 minutes later:

Adam: Hi honey. How did the appt go – are you still crazy?

Me: Hardy har. Yes, but she gave me some suggestions on how to work through the insanity. Apparently chewing gum is comething that will help, because pressing yor lips together can send anti-anxiety signals to your brain!

Adam: So basically the medical doctor told you that whenever you feel crazy to press your lips together and keep your mouth occupied?

Me: Um, NO, she said to CHEW GUM. I see where this is going, sicko.

Adam: I can think of something else you could do that costs less than a pack of gum…

So… now Adam seems to think I got a doctor-backed prescription to give bjs whenever I feel panicky. Funny, I didn’t see that one coming.



It’s hard work growing a… baby.

I’ve been saving this story for a few weeks because I hadn’t made my announcement yet, but now that you (well, you that follow Superwife on Facebook) know that I’m growin’ Superbaby #2, here you go!

Adam and I found out we were pregnant on March 10th… right after I got back from a week in Chicago for work, during which I nearly fainted twice, had abnormally high blood pressure, and endured a monster migraine from hell (all while training on a new product I’m selling). I had suspected something was up, so I took two pregnancy tests the week I got home. Both turned out negative.

I had a dream a few nights later and shot out of a dead sleep at 3am just KNOWING I was pregnant. I knew it in my bones, if that even makes sense. When I took that 3rd pregnancy test at 6am the next morning… BINGO!! Got my positive. 🙂

So… we only shared with family and a few close friends, and then I waited to share with the entire world (aka Facebook) until after I had broken the news to my boss. And now here we are – 16 weeks pregnant!

This baby is totally a boy. No, we’re not finding out until I push it out of me on or around Thanksgiving Day (my due date!), but I just know it’s a boy. My pregnancy with Ellie was relatively smooth sailing (except for the damn kidney stones)… THIS little monster, however, decided to torture me for the first 4 months. I was sick, ALLLLLL the time, and I seriously had to pull over in the middle of my sales calls almost every day to take little 15-minute power naps so I didn’t fall asleep at stop lights. Therefore, I’ve decided it’s a boy. Only a dirty, grimy little mischevious mini-Adam could make me feel so terrible, lol. Slugs and snails and puppy-dog tails, right?

And now, a little bit of SuperHubs for you (I know you’ve all been missing him)…

Adam: How are you feeling today, babe?

Me: Ugh, terrible. I just want to go to sleep and wake up in June.

Adam: What’s wrong?

Me: Well I just feel like I can’t keep my eyes open. I’m so fricken exhausted I can’t do ANYTHING!

Adam: Well, it does make sense.

Me: No, it doesn’t. I never felt like this with Ellie. NEVER.

Adam: Yeah but this time you’re all tired because it’s super hard work growing a huge baby penis.

(Obviously we know what Adam is rooting for.)

Ketchup Popsicles

It’s starting to look a lot like spring here lately, and Ellie is now obsessed with being outside… so naturally, I’ve been itching to buy her some yard toys. Slides, climbing cubes, etc (you know, Step 2 & Little Tykes stuff) – but brand new those things are ridiculously expensive! I recently told Adam I’d been searching for stuff on craigslist but hadn’t really found anything reasonable. Apparently he thinks that’s because I’m incompetent:

Me: People are listing those yard toys pretty high, I think it must just be that time of year.

Adam: I’ll look.

Me: No, I scour Craigslist multiple times every day babe. I haven’t really seen anything cheap enough.

Adam: Jenny, I am the Craigslist master. I’LL look.

Me: Seriously? How do you think you’re gonna find something that’s not there?

Adam: Babe. I’m so good at Craigslist I could find ketchup popsicles if I wanted to. Don’t test me.

Hm. Guess I got told. (By the way, if you’re looking for ketchup popsicles Adam can obviously find them for you. Let me know if you need a hookup and I’ll get you his email.)

Another by the way… if you’re a parent and you live in Anchorage or the Valley, and your toddler has outgrown his or her yard toys – I’m interested! Email me at superwifejenny@gmail.com 🙂

Sorry I’ve been unavailable, I’m folding socks…

I wrote a while back about how I don’t do Adam’s laundry… stop judging me, he’s a dude and his laundry is gross. And he generates like, seven times as much dirty clothing as I do so if I did his laundry I’d be doing laundry all day every damn day.

Anyway, I was feeling nice recently (no idea why) and while he was gone for the weekend I decided I’d surprise him by getting his MOUNTAIN of smelly clothes all clean and put away (you know now that I think about it, I might not actually have been feeling nice, but actually super-annoyed that I couldn’t walk through our bedroom…).

You guys, I’d just like to give you an idea of  how long it’s been since Adam actually operated the washing machine. Here is a breakdown of all of the separate categories of clothing – each which constituted a FULL load of laundry – I had to lay out before I even started this chore:Â

1. boxers

2. white socks

3. hunting socks

4. button-up work shirts

5. fleece pants

6. waffle shirts (long-john material)

7. orange t-shirts

8. dark t-shirts

9. white t-shirts

10. jeans

11. weird materials (workout shirts, nylon, underarmour, etc.)

12. cargo shorts

13. sweatshirts/sweatpants

14. miscellaneous color load

Okay… I know who I married, so I’m not particularly surprised by most of this, but who the heck has an entire load of dirty hunting socks??? Or really, an entire load of orange t-shirts?


Aaaaaaaand now I’ve retreated blissfully back into my “no man-laundry” rule after a weekend spent folding laundry gave me carpal-tunnel. Next time you see my husband, tell him his socks look clean.

Apparently I need to eat more cheeseburgers

Adam and I were watching television the other night and this stupid Carl’s Jr. commercial came on. RIGHT in the MIDDLE of our conversation, his eyes completely glazed over and he basically forgot I was alive for 30 whole seconds. Have you seen this commercial? The one with Kate Upton? Here… please, do your research:

Okay. So I was all about letting it slide justthisonce… until NOT 3 SECONDS LATER he was on his iphone, looking up the “uncut” version of the commercial and completely ignoring me.

Me: WHAT THE HELL? You didn’t get enough of that bitch just now on the tv?

Adam: Huh? Oh, I just wanted to see the full version.

Me: How the hell did you even know there WAS a “full version?”

Adam: I just assumed. Anyway I didn’t get to see what kind of burger that was so I wanted to look it up.

Me: 0___0   (that’s a blank stare, for those of you who don’t know text-speak)

Adam: What?

Me: Possibly the most ridiculous excuse I’ve ever in my life heard. Up there with “I only look at Playboy for the articles.”

Adam: I really wanted to see what kind of burger it was, it looked like there was jalepenos!

Me: So you’re just gonna keep digging, huh?


APPARENTLY, Carl’s Jr, you need to make the product for which you’re advertising A LITTLE DAMN MORE OBVIOUS.

(And… If I EVER see anyone eating a burger like that I will ram them with my car. Whores.)