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I’m all for Technology, But…

I’ll be the first to admit that I suffer from an insane compulsion to check my cell phone every 5 minutes. I can also truthfully say, however, that I can put it away and not rely on it when indulging in quality time with friends and family. I do think that in general, we all tend to lean a little too much on the at-our-fingertips information delivered through our pocket computers… but I also embrace it.

So does my husband… maybe a little too much at times.

A few weeks ago, we were enjoying a nice family weekend at our cabin out of town. While deciding what to do for the day, we were tossing around the idea of pack-rafting with the girls down the Talkeetna River.

Adam: It’s supposed to rain today.

Me: *glancing out the window* Looks fine to me.

Adam: No, it’s sprinkling and cloudy right now.

Me: *now staring at sunny blue sky through the window* Um… no. It’s clear.

Adam: JEN, my weather app SAYS it’s cloudy.

Me: ADAM, I’m using my EYES to look out the ACTUAL window at ACTUAL weather.

Adam: Oh, oops. I have it set on Seward. Hang on lemme check Talkeetna.

Me: LOOK. OUT. THE. WINDOW.

We enjoyed a fun trip down the river. On a beautiful blue day (at least, that’s what our iPhone apps told us).

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A Watched Sorbet Never Softens

Sometimes I swear I feel like an alien in my own house.

I pulled out a rock-hard tub of raspberry sorbet tonight after dinner, and told Ellie to go play for a few minutes while it softened up. She promptly perched herself directly in front of it at the counter, and said “Mom I’m just gonna watch it.”

Adam was in the living room with Jamie, and I laughed as I called out to him, “Hey Babe? Will you tell your daughter that a watched pot never boils?”

Adam: A what never what?

Me: A watched pot never boils.

Adam: A washed what?

Me: A watched pot never boils!

Adam: A washtot?

Me: ADAM! A WATCHED POT NEVER BOILS!!

Adam: Yeah I’ve never heard that. What’s that?

Ellie: I’m not watching a pot, MOM, I’m watching the ice cream!

Me: *siiiiiiiigh*

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I promise, he doesn’t.

Ellie is very into contest games right now – as in, everything is a race. Everything. And everyone is always playing, even if they don’t know it.

“I finished my dinner first, I win!!”

“I made it to the car first, I’m the winner!”

“Aw, Jamie beat me to the bathtub!”

“I got my shoes on the fastest!”

All of this seems so fun and innocent, until I overhear her talking to the nanny last week while we’re apparently doing something race-worthy,

“My Daddy beats my Mommy every day.”

Errrrrrrr… yikes. I feel like I need to just shadow her for the next 5 years so I can clarify everything that comes out of her mouth.

Calm Down, there’s totally an explanation for this…

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Potty Time – Husbands vs. Toddlers (again)

I am continually flabbergasted by the amount of time my husband (and most men, I assume) spend in the bathroom. Seriously, is it just their “get away” time? Not that Ellie thinks any room in our house is private or anything (“I’ll be right back Mom, I’m gonna go watch Daddy poop“), but at least Adam knows I won’t bother him if he’s in the bathroom (ew). I just don’t get it – I mean, do ANY women out there (who don’t have like the flu or some other tummy-related illness) spend HOURS a day on the toilet? Because seriously, if I add up the amount of time my husband spends there in a 24-hr period, I can guarantee there are some days where it’s HOURS. PLURAL.

WHO HAS HOURS (PLURAL) A DAY TO SPEND ON THE JOHN?

Sometimes I can’t even find an extra 5 seconds to actually use toothpaste when I brush my teeth, but there are men out there who just have HOURS to spend on the toilet, playing Angry Birds or Words with Friends or shopping on Craigslist or whateverthehelltheydointhere.

So… now that I’ve ranted about that, here is your dose of SuperLaughter for the day:

Adam was getting Ellie ready for bed the other night, and he took her upstairs to “flush-n-brush” before books and prayers. Ellie had been on the toilet for MAYBE 45 seconds, claiming she needed to poop, when I heard Adam let out a frustrated sigh and say,

“Okay now, this is just getting ridiculous.”

And then I almost died laughing.

I laughed out loud for at least 10 minutes, and I still giggle every time I think about it. Does anyone remember the other potty-post I put up a while back? Let’s refresh our memories: click here.

Yes, let’s talk about ridiculous. 

toilet

It just doesn’t look that inviting to me…

 

Bedroom Eyes

Adam and I enjoyed a much-needed weekend in Seattle without the kiddos recently, and we attempted to keep most of our conversation “adult” (i.e. not revolving around our babies). Wow, that is difficult! We managed, for the most part.

At lunch on Sunday, we somehow began discussing pretty movie stars. I had accused Adam of only being attracted to “exotic” women (Salma Hayek is pretty much his dream girl), and he got all bent out of shape.

Adam: That is SO not true!

Me: Name a non-exotic movie star you think is hot.

Adam: Blake Lively.

Me: Shocker. Every man is attracted to her, she’s got those “I’d rather be in bed” eyes.

Adam: Is that what it is? Man… you should work on that!

Me: Ummm… I’m pretty sure as a mom with a full time job and two kids under the age of 3, I ALWAYS have “I’d rather be in bed” eyes.

Adam: *sigh*

Seriously though… I’d rather be in bed. I haven’t blogged in 3 months because every time I have a second – you guessed it – I’d rather be in bed.

So, SuperMommies – you can now tell everyone you’ve got “bedroom eyes.” Unless of course you’ve got some special secret for waking up completely rested and ready to go, and in that case, start talking.

Anyway… g’night!

From 2010 when Ellie was a baby – still applicable!

Apparently I made it all up…

Adam and I – while (im)patiently awaiting baby #2 to make his/her debut – were watching an episode of a tv show called Traffic Light last night. In the show, one of the men swears up and down that the reason he’s still married is because he’s got a florist on speed-dial to deliver flowers to his wife anytime he says something really stupid.

Me: Why don’t I get flowers when you say stupid things?

Adam: C’mon. I don’t really say a lot of stupid things.

Me: *snort*

Adam: What?? I don’t!

Me: Um, I hear there’s like a whole blog dedicated to stupid things you say.

Adam: You make a lot of that up.

Me: *SNORT*

Boys are so oblivious.

May I refer you all to the ENTIRE CATEGORY ON THIS BLOG titled “Shit My Husband Says“? Or perhaps the category called “Shit My Husband Does“? Enjoy.

 

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Toilet Training: Husbands vs Toddlers

We women have spent YEARS attempting to train our husbands (and boyfriends/brothers/fathers/sons) to put the toilet seat back down afte they pee. YEARS, I tell you. Have you been successful? Because I have not. I don’t even think Adam hears the words coming out of my mouth once he realizes it’s a “nag” statement.

It’s just ridiculous the number of times I’ve mentioned (and nicely, at that!) how it would be really helpful and much less unsightly if Adam would *PLEASE* just close the toiled lid when he’s finished. I’ve pretty much given up on that – hell, at this point I’m just happy if he manages to actually FLUSH the damn toilet when he’s finished…

…which is why I found it absolutely, knee-smackingly, pee-my-pants (literally, thanks to my currently being 8 months pregnant) hilarious when my husband and I recently had this conversation:

Adam:(calling to me from the bathroom) Hey is there somewhere for me to put this stupid Dora potty seat of Ellie’s?

Me: Yes, Honey, there’s a hook on the side of the toilet. Just hang the seat right on it, please don’t leave it on the floor.

Adam:(coming out of the bathroom) Well I guess it’s cool that it came with a hook. Hey, you know what we should do? We should train Ellie to put her seat away when she’s finished using it.

Me: Oh, so it won’t be so annoying when the next person goes to use the toilet?

Adam: Yeah, it’s such a pain in the ass to have to deal with that every time I pee. I mean, she’s old enough to learn how to put her seat away, right?

Me: ONE WOULD THINK.

He still doesn’t get the irony.