Groupie WIN!

If any of you read my post from last year about my “Groupie Fail” (Molly posted it here too), you’ll appreciate this. Catch up on the original story here or here, then proceed. 🙂

So a few days ago my awesome-famous-keyboard-player friend Mark Burch from Nashville texted me and said he was going to be in town playing with Billy Currington this week, and asked me if I wanted tickets to the show. Mark – who Jen, Molly, Sam, Annie and I had a crazy fun night with and never thought we’d see him again –  remembered us and generously offered us tickets to a kick-ass country concert! How rad is that?? So of course I said hell yes, and THIS TIME around my girlfriends and I can say we did not participate in a groupie fail. Jen (& Ely!), Allison, Kaile, Cassie, Jenna, Amanda, Katie, Molly and I had a B-L-A-S-T!

The tickets Mark got us were CRAZY GOOD – dead center, 3rd row. We couldn’t have asked for better seats! Billy Currington was fabulous, the whole band put on an awesome concert and they all looked like they had a blast! After the show we hung out backstage with Mark and the rest of the band (minus Billy… apparently he gets attacked by crazy fans if he sticks around) and played our groupie roles perfectly. The girls drank delicious free booze (I had delicious free bottled water and a delicious free apple) and we joked with the crew for a while, then took them to F Street Station (a local chill bar). I love how down-to-earth all of these guys were! Thanks for a fabulous evening, and we hope we get to see you again!

BlogTrotting to Alaska… You Betcha!

Welcome, BlogTrotters, to THE BEST ONE YET! (I’m sure everyone feels that way about their beautiful state.) Thanks so much to Carabee over at BlogTrotting for featuring Superwife and my amazing Alaska today. 🙂 If you’re a Superwife regular and haven’t heard of BlogTrotting, head over there and check it out (but read this post first)!

So… what do you think of when you hear “Alaska”? Sarah Palin? ANWR? Deadliest Catch? Free money? Polar Bears?  Well, we’ve got all of that… plus a lot more.

Alaska, the Last Frontier, became the 49th state in 1959. This beast of a state measures in at 586,412 square miles – that’s 2.5 times the state of Texas (and about 1/5 the size of the Lower 48)!

Alaska’s own Mt. McKinley is the tallest mountain in North America (and boy is she puurty).

We’re just finishing up one of our most famous exploits at the moment: The Iditarod. Mushers and their teams of 16 dogs cover 1,161 miles in this annual chilly race from Willow to Nome. Lance Mackey just secured his 4th consecutive win this year – Congrats, Lance! In 1985, musher Libby Riddles became the first woman to win the race. Know why? ‘Cuz “ALASKA GIRLS KICK ASS”!

 

Wondering if the “Midnight Sun” rumors are true? You betcha they are! The longest day of our year is June 21st, when the sun really doesn’t set. We see three to four good months of loooooong days, and most of us know what really good “blackout shades” can do for a good night’s sleep! Right now it’s 8pm as I’m writing this and it’s as bright as can be outside. I love the onset of summer!

On the flipside, however, we have eight or nine cold, dark and sometimes downright depressing months of winter (we LIVE for weekends during those months!). Sometimes those days with only 5 hours of light can seem like a never-ending evening, but that’s what hot chocolate and peppermint schnapps by a roaring fire is for! 

Adam and I are crazy about the great outdoors, and neither of us could imagine calling any other place home. Alaska offers loads of family fun year-round, in everything from fishing to snowmachining (that’s snowmobiling, to you Lower 48-ers). We camp, ride ATVs, fish, play softball on a field with beautiful mountain views, snomachine, sled, ice fish, clam dig, hunt birds, caribou and moose… and we’re always looking for even more fun!

I couldn’t possibly finish a post about my fabulous state without mentioning my Alaska/fishing themed wedding… 🙂 Adam and I were married July 12, 2008 on a gorgeous lake in Wasilla, AK. We incorporated our passion for fishing and the outdoors into every detail, and had an absolute blast with our family and friends well into the night (where we had light until nearly 11pm!).

Thanks for stopping by my corner of the world, and I hope you’ll stay and read more of my silly yet sassy accounts of married life in Alaska. I try to share my ridiculous (yet frequent) conversations with my husband as often as possible, and hopefully you’ll be amused enough to stick around! Have fun on your next journey, BlogTrotters… and maybe you’ll head “North to Alaska” sometime soon! Oh, and by the way… we can’t see Russia from our house.

I’m changing my last will and testament

And leaving everything to Sephora.

Yes, the store.

Thank the heavens there is not a Sephora store here in Alaska, or my life would be in trouble. All of my paychecks would go directly to that company. Adam thinks they already do (he’s kiiiiinda right).

Seriously, tell me you wouldn’t sign over your bank account if you’d had THIS experience:

Me, (having a great face and hair day), walking into Sephora on 5th Avenue & Pine in Seattle: lalala, I love makeup, lalala, I shouldn’t spend a lot of money, lalala makeup love it lalala oooooh Benefit! oooohhhh Nars! Ohhh…..

Gay Makeup-Wearing Boy Who Works There: Oh My! You look so FRESH and RADIANT, what bronzer are you wearing??

Me: oh, uh, hee heeeee…. I’m not wearing any bronzer today!

Gay Boy: NO. WAY. You look A. MA. ZING. What blush? Your cheeks are so cute and rosy!

Me: giggle giggle, PosieTint by Benefit, I love it!

Gay Boy: I’m so totally recommending that to more people now, god you look so great!

5 minutes later, in a different part of the store, I’m browsing HD Makeup Forever stuff.

Perky Sephora Girl: OHMIGOD YOUR EYELASHES ARE AMAAAAAAZING!

Me: Thanks! giggle

Perky Girl: OHMIGOD can I put sparkles on them??

Me: um, okay?

Perky Girl: Okay sit here ohmigod you are so awesome, your hair is like perfect! Your eyelashes look fake, are they fake? Have you ever worn fake eyelashes of course you don’t need them but have you ever work them?

Me: Thanks and no they’re not fake but I have worn fake ones before.

Perky Girl: Ok done OHMIGOD your eyelashes now look JUST like a pair of fake ones we sell with glitter on them you should totally be an eyelash model, if they even have those!!!!

Me: Thanks! I’ll buy some of the amazing glitter for my eyelashes please.

5 minutes later, in another section of the store looking at Cargo PlantLove product:

Random Sephora Customer: Wow, your eyelashes are so pretty! Do you use a mascara I can buy here??

Me: Thanks, yes I use Sephora Lengthening Mascara in black. And I just had that girl put some glitter on them.

Perky Girl: OMIGOD I KNOW, Aren’t her eyelashes AMAZING???

5 minutes later, in another part of the store, looking at Tarte lipgloss:

Gay Boy: WOW what lipgloss did you just put on because it looks SOGOOD on you!!! Sorry I don’t mean to be stalking you but you just look so great!

Me: Um… that new Tarte mood lipgloss that’s a knockoff of the Smashbox OGloss. I like it.

Gay Boy: You should SO get it it looks very fresh and cute and HOT!

Me: ‘kay.

In line, trying not to spend anymore money, messing with this weird Perfektion gel stuff on my face:

Cashier Girl, who is approximately 12: Oh that stuff looks AWESOME!!! Your skin tone is like, perfect!

Me: I’ll take it.

Cashier Girl: Okay, your total is $144.50.

Me, walking out of the store with the smallest $145 shopping bag EVER: Crap.

And now I want to live there.

Airport Security

I feel that I should expand a teensy bit on the airport fiasco experience from a few days ago… because the story is actually pretty fucking scary hilarious.

So, here I am at the airport in Seattle getting ready to come home after a long and exciting 2 days of work conferences, and I’m on the phone with Molly discussing how Adam shouldn’t get mad at me for dropping $150 on makeup because I CLEARLY don’t have enough at home (read: I have 3 drawers and 3 makeup bags overflowing with expensive makeup), and I start checking in at that little electronic kiosk thingy.

As I gab along about my new glittery mascara stuff, I get to the screen where it asks you this:

-Are you carrying any flammable or explosive items, or aerosol cans, or hazardous waste?

YES or NO

-Are you carrying any sharp knives or cutting objects, ulus, or weapons?

YES or NO

So I, the idiot, even though I’ve been through this one million and one times since I fly like every damn day, hit YES and YES… WTF? I think my brain was on auto-pilot thinking about when websites ask you things like “are you sure you want to navigate away from this page?”… anyway…

I don’t realize this until I get through everything and it prints out my boarding pass and I look at it and it says this reservation requires customer service assistance. ATTENTION, CUSTOMER SERVICE AGENT: DANGEROUS GOODS.” Like it’s some kind of secret warning to the damn agent. Anyway, I go to the counter, giggling (of course I’ve hung up the phone already, not wanting to look like an idiot – HA!):

Me: Heeeeeeheeee.. Hi. I accidentally said I was carrying dangerous things when I’m actually not and I was just distracted when I was checking in, but I’d like to just tell you I’m not dangerous and I’d like a regular boarding pass please.

Agent: Um, Ok. (she doesn’t look like she thinks this is ok) Let me just… oh, ok. We need to search your bag.

Me: Why? I just told you I’m not carrying anything dangerous and that I ACCIDENTALLY hit those buttons!

Agent: I know, but now the computer thinks you have knives and explosives, so we have to search the bag.

Me: BUT I DON’T HAVE KNIVES OR ULUS OR EXPLOSIVES OR HAIRSPRAY CANS EVEN!

Agent: Can you please put your bag up here? Kthanks.

I grumbled a lot but got through the bag search and got my boarding pass, so I then headed for the security line. When I get to the front of the security line, I’m still grumbly and pissed, and I get singled out “randomly” for a security check. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENED NEXT:

TSA: Ma’am, we’re going to need you to step off to the right here.

Me: For a screening?

TSA: Yes Ma’am.

Me: BUT I’M NOT EVEN CARRYING ANY KNIVES!!

TSA, looking alarmed and way stern now: Now why would you say something like that?

Me, realizing the incredibly idiotic mistake I just made: Oh, um, sorry, guess you weren’t there for that other conversation.. sorry… SORRY…

TSA: Spread ‘Em. (JUST KIDDING!)

Anyway I got through everything fine, but I realized afterward that I could’ve gotten in a lot of freakin trouble for yelling something like that at a TSA agent at SeaTac… and it reminded me of something out of a movie… like Anger Management! 🙂

Groupies: Yer Dooin it Rong

How to be a groupie:

1-Actually GO TO the concert when a band comes into town.

2-KNOW the name of the band.

3-When asked if you want to ride in the band limo, ACCEPT.

4-Again, KNOW the name of the band.

5- Allow the rich band members to buy you drinks.

6- KNOW THE NAME OF THE BAND.

And now… How to Be a Groupie, Jenny Style:

1-Do not go to the John Michael Montgomery concert in Anchorage on Saturday night. Have dinner with girlfriends Jen, Sam and Molly and proceed to get drunk on wine at the trendy Crush restaurant. Barhop and go look for Annie at bars downtown .

2-Meet band members Rusty Van Sickle and Mark Burch hanging out with Annie (who actually did go to the concert) at Rum Runners. Don’t recognize them. Also meet and do not recognize John Michael Montgomery. Sing at the top of your lungs along with a song they play when it comes on the loudspeakers. Don’t get any of the words right. (*UPDATED: Who even knows all of the words to “Sold/Grundy County Auction” anyway?? I just make up my own.)

3-Keep calling them “Montgomery” and “Gentry”.

4-Laugh at them when they ask if you want to ride in the band’s limo. Make them walk around the corner with you to go to The Avenue Bar.

5-Buy THEM drinks, even though you are broke and drunk and they are rich.

6-When the bars close, do not take the band’s limo back to the band’s hotel room to party more on their dime. Instead, take AND PAY FOR a shitty cab to your friend Jen’s house. Don’t even find a cab that will fit all 7 of you, but split up into two shitty cabs.

7-Pretend to be a master mixologist with champagne, vodka, tonic, and cranberry juice cranberry-grapefruit Sobe. Spill each and every single one of those items, separately. Drop and break a glass. Or maybe a plate.

8-Make Montgomery and Gentry drink your concotion of champagne, mango vodka, cranberry juice, tonic, cut up strawberries that you dropped on the floor, and maybe some water as a filler. Spill a tray of ice cubes. Laugh hysterically while band members try to clean up ice cubes for you.

9-If you are Molly (a vegan) and Jen (a meat-eater), proceed to go change into dueling tshirts that say, respectively, “Vegetarian” and “Vegetarians Taste Better.” Model them for band members.

10- Pull up Facebook on your TV and make Montgomery (Mark) accept you as his Facebook friend before letting him and Gentry (Rusty) leave so he can catch a plane at 6am.

11- Pass out.

I like our way better. Thanks to Jen, Sam, Molly and Annie for a memorable night that I barely remember. Also thanks to Montgomery and Gentry, we hope you made it to the airport on time! 🙂