Superwife: Best Local Blog!

Anchorage Press Picks winners were announced today… just wanted to say THANK YOU! If you didn’t get a chance yet to grab a copy, here is the little ad I ran:

Thanks again, guys. I love being Superwife, regardless of my readership… but it sure does feel wonderful to know I’m loved. <3

Parents Magazine: No-No!

While browsing through the most recent issue of Parents magazine, I came across this little “gem” of advice:

20110925-122343.jpg

20110925-122322.jpg

Now, I may not be in the majority with this thought, but shouldn’t parenting magazines be encouraging families to get outside and be active? According to the CDC website, obesity now affects 17% of all children and adolescents in the United States – which is triple the rate from just one generation ago. About one-third (33.8%) of US adults are obese – here in Alaska the rate of obesity is 24.5% (Alabama came in at the top of the chart with 32.2%; Colorado is the lowest with 21.0%). Listen, folks, the CDC states it plain and simple – obesity is common, serious and costly.

Being that this country has such a problem with inactivity and unhealthy eating habits, is telling people to enjoy the fall season through their windows while watching TV really such a smart tip? My first thought upon seeing this advice was to give Parents magazine a stern “NO-NO”!

Don’t get me wrong, I love new episodes of Modern Family and Glee… But I feel an appropriate amount of “lazy guilt” while I’m watching them. It really startled me to see a popular magazine with such a wide reach actually encouraging me to sit on my butt and stare at the boob tube instead of doing something active outside with my family.

Parents (and non-parents)…Where do you stand here? Do your thoughts echo mine, or do you think it’s refreshing to see a magazine give permission to be a little lazy in our crazy lives?

,

I think I’ve been had…

My dad gave me this beautiful hanging plant that my stepmom used as a decoration at our wedding (I don’t know what it is, but it’s pretty white flowers in a basket). I hung it off of my porch, which lets it hang over the small walkway to our front door — you can’t really avoid walking underneath it to get in and out of the house.

ANYWAY… a few weeks ago Adam comes in and says, to no one in particular, “You know, I like that plant out there, but the downside is that it really attracts the spiders.”

I didn’t think I was listening… until this afternoon when I was walking in from my car… and I realized that for the LAST FEW WEEKS, everysingletime I leave or return to my house, I duck/sway/cringe/make whimpering noises/leap out of the way and/or cuss to avoid the damn “spider-pot”!!!

And for the record… I have not seen ONE SINGLE SPIDER.

So… was he messing with me? Because it totally worked. And my neighbors probably think I have Tourette’s, dancing around out there in my lovely work clothes every day.

I’ll get you, my pretty… I’ll get you.

Girls Night?

I took Ellie with me to Fred Meyer recently to do a little birthday shopping for my dad. I already had the main part of his gift, but I always always always give him lots of chocolate every year so I had to pick some up. I put Ellie in the mini cart and we set off to find yummies.

When I passed the “feminine” aisle, I realized I needed tampons, so I threw a few boxes into the cart. Then we made our way to the candy aisle and I put five or six different kinds of chocolate in the cart (see where this is going? well, I was oblivious) and headed toward the liquor store for a nice bottle of beer to give my Dad.

After choosing a specialty beer, I wheeled my kid and my loot up to the counter and started unloading. The poor kid behind the counter rang up tampax, chocolate, chocolate, beer, tampax, chocolate and chocolate before he couldn’t help himself…

“Girls’ night?”

EL. OH. EL.

Isn’t this how everyone acts around famous people?

Okay, it’s been long enough. I’ve been busy, but I know you all don’t want excuses! Here is, finally, my account of the night I had drinks with AC Slater. It’s kind of a long story…

(ohmigosh you guys… seriously this is just an example of why I haven’t gotten around to writing recently… I JUST got two babies to bed, came downstairs, rinsed bottles, typed out the opening sentence above and immediately heard crying. 30 minutes later, I’m sitting downstairs singing the wiggle song to my niece while trying to type this out… if this post doesn’t make sense this is totally why.)

SO… Molly heard that Slater was going to be at a sunset cocktail party hosted by Softcup during the BlogHer11 conference in SanDiego. She somehow wrangled us onto the guest list, which was totally awesome and we were both super excited.

When we got to the conference, we decided to go to the Softcup exhibitor’s booth and introduce ourselves. At the booth, we saw they were giving away a VIP entry to the party – all you had to do to enter was tweet out something and tag Softcup in your tweet. Sweet! Here is what I posted:

@SuperwifeJenny: #softcupblogher I’d like to have a cocktail with AC tonight, please.

And that was that. 2 hours later, Mol and I are sitting in a session where a woman is reading aloud a very emotional post from her blog. My phone vibrates and I look down to see this notification from twitter:

@InsteadSoftCup: The winner of our VIP contest is @SuperwifeJenny!

HO. LY. SHITE. It took all of my strength not to jump up and down and scream out loud when I saw this. I almost had to leave the (completely silent except for the crying speaker) room!

I managed not to embarrass myself (that comes later) and made it through the rest of the day. When we arrived at the cocktail party later that evening, Molly and I were immediately escorted to the paparazzi area where we took photos with Olympic medalist Amanda Beard (the other party host). Then we were handed delicious drinks make with cake-flavored vodka and were seated in the VIP area (which had official-looking ropes and a bouncer and everything!).

By the time AC actually showed up, I was a bit tipsy. I did enjoy sitting with him and his girlfriend, Courtney Mazza – we compared baby pics. You guys, I am such a mom… “OhmygoshIgettomeetacelebrityIcan’twaittoshowhimphotosofmybaby” – that’s how moms roll.

Talking about our kids, while AC texts.

After a few more drinks I had this conversation:

Me: So, have a lot of people called you Slater tonight?

Slater: *looks annoyed* You’re the first.

Me: Oh. Well I’ll probably be the shecond too. And maybe the third.

Slater: Excuse me, I see someone I know.

Me: Oh yeah, me too. Exschushe me.

And then I laughed at him. Oh – and then just before he left, I grabbed him and said “Oh Hey AC! Let’sh take one more photo!” and then proceeded to take and retake the self-portrait 6 times because I “looked to drunk” in the previous 5. This is his “I’m not amused, and my name isn’t AC” face (apparently).

End scene.

But wait, there’s more! Apparently, Ryan Cabrera (anyone remember him? No? Molly and I had to google him too) was doing a little private show at our rooftop cocktail party… so when we left the VIP area, we noticed him singing on a stage in the corner. When we walked over to check it out, we ran into Clark Duke from Hottub Time Machine! WTF? Apparently he’s Ryan’s roommate and BFF. Weird. So, Molly and drank and laughed with him (oh, and Diana Ross’s son – weird) for a while.

During the conversation with Clark, Adam was texting me about a bug bite on Tali’s face… so at one point I put my hand up in his face and drunkenly yelled, “Dude HOLD ON. I’m trying to look up Benadryl doses for my dog” while he was asking me something about Alaska. Yeah, I bet that didn’t confuse him at all.

 

When Ryan was done singing, he came over and had a few drinks with us. I noticed he had words tattooed on his chest, so I asked him if I could see them. And then I realized that he is an idiot. First of all, “Sometimes you just have to pee in the sink” – WTF? Second… it was spelled “some times” instead of “sometimes“. I almost died.

 

Aaaaaand that was basically how it went. Recap?

  1. AC Slater = not so Slaterish any more; also wears a shit ton of makeup.
  2. Clark Duke from Hottub Time Machine = just as funny in real life. Seriously.
  3. Ryan Cabrera = still singing the one song that made him “famous”; also doesn’t know how to spell. But… nice guy.
  4. Amanda Beard = super, super friendly and cool chick.

Now, back to real life. 🙂

 

Fake Bathrooms, The Bloggess, and Banana Messages

As I mentioned in my BlogHer’11 Recap (sponsored by Paragon/Dirtt and Bradley Reid!), I totally met The Bloggess the night before the conference started. She was hiding out in a fake bathroom that was made especially for her at The People’s Party in the BlogHer hotel.

Anyway, her name is Jenny, and she rocks. Also, she’s taller than I though she would be. Not sure why, but for some reason I imagined her at like 5’3… so not the case. She towered over me (and I was in heels)! Anyhoo, I managed not to rush up to her and hug-attack her, and she was super nice in return. We talked mostly about Alaska, because she was leaving for a cruise with her family the next day – her big question? “What kind of coat should I bring?”

Jenny, I’m still asking this question. Adam HATES that question, because I ask it like, every time we go outside… and I was born and raised here in Alaska. So, I hope my answer was helpful (I think I said something like, “Oh, um, well, it’s been nice out, so, like, you probably don’t need a parka or anything. Not that you would have any reason to even own a parka. But bring a windbreaker. And a sweatshirt. Or maybe a light fleece jacket. Although it’s been nice out, so maybe just a vest. I don’t know, let me call my husband…” 

 If you’re not familiar with Jenny the Bloggess, here are two links for you to enjoy:

This post is the post that got me absolutely hooked on her blog; I could NOT stop laughing! And when I went and read it again just now, I still laughed out loud! If you don’t laugh at this, you are obviously dead inside.

This post cracked me up because I had just seen this banana thing on Pinterest recently… so when The Bloggess posted her take, I had to try out this trick:

 

Alright… you know you want to try it now. Off you go!

How I almost lost Molly at BlogHer…

… because she almost lept out of a moving vehicle.

For those of you who haven’t met (or read) my friend Molly, she is amazing. She is gorgeous, talented, spirited and incredibly intelligent… if you don’t count the whole vegan thing. I kid, I kid… but seriously, Molly is a vegan. And even when she’s not a vegan (dude, everyone slips, shut up already) (oh and also, dude, animalz iz delishus), she still cares very deeply about animal rights. To illustrate, I shall recall a short but true story:

A few years ago (3? 4?) I had a few girlfriends over to watch American Idol and drink wine while we made fun of everyone but Adam Lambert (should have won!). We all decided to paint our toenails while we hung out, and after we finished I pulled out a can of that QuickDri spray stuff – you know, the kind they have at some salons where you just spray it on your newly painted nails and it supposedly dries them faster? Anyway, we all used it – except for Molly. She instead picked up the can, took it into the well-lit kitchen and scrutinized the ingredients label…

Molly: DUDE. I am SO not using this dead-animal-spray. It has MINK OIL in it.

Me: What is mink oil?

Molly: It’s (insert real explanation here, I cant remember bc I was drinking and laughing my ass off). You need to throw this can of death away!

Me: Yeah, well…. Jen is wearing a zebra shirt! Yell at her! (to clarify, my friend Jen was wearing a zebra-print shirt, not a shirt made out of an actual zebra)

SO… that is an example of Molly’s vegan-ness. Here is the story of how she nearly died at BlogHer a few weekends ago:

At the SoftCup/Mario Lopez/Ryan Cabrera party we went to (calm DOWN, I’ll post about it later), we were photographed by a celebrity paparazzo (oKAY, professional photographer, but I will continue to refer to him as Paparazzi Jerod). He was really witty and fun to hang out with, so we all exchanged cards. The next day, Jerod sent me a message and asked if Molly and I would like to grab some sushi with him and his wife (who he referred to as “wifezilla”) after the conference. Since we had no dinner plans, we agreed.

The Paparazzis (Jerod and his wife, Emilee) picked us up in their car at the conference center and we drove over to a delicious sushi restaurant nearby (where, btw, Molly had some vegetables or something). In the car, we were all discussing jobs – Jerod mentioned to his wife that I worked for a pharma company, and then told me that Emilee worked in a lab. And then this:

Me: Oh, what kind of lab?

Emilee: Clinical stuff. I see reps sometimes.

Jerod: Hon! Tell them about those funny fuckin’ coke monkeys!

Emilee: Oh yeah, haha.

(Molly perked up at this point, listening verrrrrry closely.)

Me: Monkeys?

Emilee: Yeah some companies use our labs for animal testing and stuff.

(Molly’s eyes are huge now. Huge.)

Jerod: Yeah but tell them about the ones on cocaine.

Emilee: Oh haha… yeah this one time these monkeys were on cocaine and one of them broke out and it was insane, haha. But don’t worry, it was clinical grade cocaine.

(I think Molly’s hand may have been on the door handle now. Imagine cartoon steam coming out of her ears.)

Me: BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA. That’s hilarious. Isn’t that hilarious, Molly?

Molly: (through gritted teeth) So how far away is this restaurant?

I am SO proud of Molly for not leaping to her death to escape the animal-hating Paparazzi family… because they actually turned out to be wonderful people who were fun to hang out with and an all-around totally cool couple.

Molly… so polite. And reserved.

Also, Molly will probably try to tell you that this is an exaggerated version of the event… but it’s exactly how I remember it in my head. 🙂